Hey! Sorry, but I’m running a bit late. I’m heading out the door right now, I promise. I just need to get out of bed, shower really quick, and then stare at my closet for ten minutes as I air-dry.
Five minutes out, I swear. I just need to paint my room. It’ll take, like, three minutes, tops.
Around the corner! Just have to pop into a bookstore to buy and then read “The Goldfinch.” I never got around to it and I heard it was really good. No spoilers. 🙂
Ah! I’m OMW. I had to perform an exorcism on my neighbor’s dog. I think it’s one of those golden retriever/poodle mixes. Anyway, she had a demon from Hell inside of her, so whatcha gonna do—am I right?!
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Literally crossing the street now. I had to stop for a snack. I was craving an apple, so I went to an orchard in Vermont. I’ll tell you all about it when I get there, which is going to be very soon.
I’m SO sorry—three minutes away. I had to wrap production on my indie bio-pic of Apolo Ohno. I think you’re really going to dig the story. There’s already award-season buzz.
Truly a block away! Remember that demonic goldendoodle? Well, her owner and I fell in love and got married. We had a child really quick. Oh, and I live in New Jersey now.
Trains are awful. But I’m still coming! I hopped off the F and got on a boat. The boat was hit by a rogue wave and it capsized. We all washed ashore on an island. Things have become pretty political and the survivors have split into factions. I’ve been made leader of one of the groups. We’re going to have a final showdown on the beach to see who gets control over our very limited supplies, but then I’m heading right over!
Just about there. I had to wrestle an octopus I befriended on the island into a bathtub back at my place. Next time we get together, Timothy the octopus should really join. You’d be surprised by his sense of humor. I think you two would really get along.
Truly close now. I ended up walking the wrong way and saw a notorious Mafia don whacked in an alleyway. The F.B.I. had to put me into witness protection under the name Hubert Tingleman. I now own a small but successful hardware store on Main Street, in Harlan, Iowa. Mum’s the word on that, though.
Almost there! I was walking from Iowa when I was struck by lightning. I woke up in an infinite, white void where a booming voice told me that I had crossed over. I communed with God and told Them that I was running super late as it was and that I’d appreciate it if I could descend back to Earth to meet up with you. They granted my wish and said that I’d see Them again in 2032. I woke up on the sidewalk and am heading your way now!
Hey! Don’t hate me, but I thought you were talking about the café on the corner near my apartment. I didn’t realize that you wanted to meet at the one near your place. That might be a little too far for me—I’m pretty pooped. You think we could take a rain check for next weekend? Love you lots!